The Morning Briefing: My Starbucks Is Closed and I Want All of You to Visit Me In Prison Because Reasons

News & Politics

Oh, That’s the Real World

Are we all in this virtual quarantine bunker forever?


Are we all in it for a while?

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Most definitely yes.

We are now in Week Two of the New Reality and I think America is, for the most part, reacting well.

I know that may seem a little off given what I have been writing about until now, but one thing changed on Monday — I ventured out into the world.

I had to go to my credit union to make sure that all of the finances were sorted out well for the rest of the quarantine. I also had to handle cash whilst doing this so — UNCLEAN!

Just to make things interesting, I decided to go to the Whole Foods Market across the street and see how that hot mess was playing out.

Turns out, not so messy at all.

Americans were out shopping in a grocery store acting like normal Americans shopping in a grocery store.

No panic.

No hoarding.

No shoving each other about.

Just people shopping.


Yeah, they were out of toilet paper, but they still had a lot of boxes of tissues, so I loaded up.

Paper is paper, people. I’ve got ten boxes of the stuff with lotion on it here, so I’m sure I’ll survive the BATHROOM APOCALYPSE just fine.

This is the America that happens off of social media. The America that those of us who spend too much time on social media need to be reminded about. THIS IS AMERICA.

We’re not all on Twitter, and that’s difficult to realize because Twitter has actually been doing its job rather well the past few weeks. There are people out there just doing life, being careful, and not spreading the stuff all about the place right now. The good America.

Yes, we all have to be careful now, but we don’t have to lose our minds.

Do remember that, as always, the mainstream media is mostly lying to you. They are awful human beings who would rather have this virus kill people and shame ORANGE MAN BAD than share anything useful that would save lives.

Yes, I’m saying that they would be OK with people dying to advance their political agenda.

We cannot for a moment lose sight of the fact that there are people trying to use this panic to advance draconian leftist agendas.

Our new reality is a difficult reality but I think we’re handling it well because we’re Americans. We will probably manage this God-awful nightmare better than any large population will, because that’s us.

Remember, this plague may kill a few of us, but we’re going to kill it.

Yes, I’ve been working from home forever. Now that I’m supposed to work from home, it’s kind of irritating.

Because American.

My only real problem is that it’s shut down the Starbucks that I like to work remotely from. I know most of you are going to bitch at me for liking Starbucks coffee but, I’m sorry, you’re all wrong. And you all know how this works here at the Morning Briefing. It’s my fiefdom. What I say goes.

Yes, they’re still open for drive-through but that’s not convenient for me.

I’m an American, I am attached to my convenience.

Feel free to comment.

I’m sure I’ll have a comforting reply.

PJM Linktank

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Bee Me 


The Kruiser Kabana


The Perfect Song For Now:


We’re gonna make this fun, kids. I promise.


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PJ Media Associate Editor Stephen Kruiser is the author ofDon’t Let the Hippies ShowerandStraight Outta Feelings: Political Zen in the Age of Outrage,” both of which address serious subjects in a humorous way. Monday through Friday he edits PJ Media’s “Morning Briefing.”

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