Colbert: All the GOP Cares About Is Being ‘Weepy’ Over Mr. Potato Head’s Missing Penis’

News & Politics

On Friday, CBS’s Stephen Colbert hosted “a very special” edition of The Late Show to celebrate President Biden’s first 100 days in office and relish in his party’s return to power and lambaste his enemies. Colbert falsely claimed that Biden has been so successful that the GOP has been relegated to complaining about the emasculation of Mr. Potato Head and literally presented zero ideas to counter the White House.

Colbert dismissed concerns from Republicans and even some more moderate Democrats that Biden wants to force through his priorities without bipartisan support. After all, why should he work with Republicans when Tucker Carlson is just too mean: 

And why wouldn’t President Biden want to work more closely with Republicans? Well, it could have something to do with right-wing talk show hosts like Tucker Carlson who echoed “talking points painting Biden as a mentally-unfit ”puppet” who was being controlled by outside forces.”

How unoriginal It sounded a whole lot like Colbert’s opinion of Donald Trump.

According to Colbert, Republicans and conservatives have to make such accusations against Biden because they’ve got nothing else, “Republicans have had a hard time going after President Biden. As John Cornyn recently complained, ‘It’s always harder to fight against a nice person.’ Which is why it’s so easy to fight against John Cornyn.”

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This led Colbert to the tiresome Mr. Potato Head line that leftists have used to construct their strawmen of the party they so deeply despise:

Of course, this moment in history wasn’t just a restart for the presidency, it was also a chance for leaders of the Republican Party to step up and fill the vacuum left by the previous guy with their bold new vision for the future and Jimmy let’s roll that footage. Do we have that footage? We don’t have footage? Because they didn’t do anything? They just got all weepy about Mr. Potato Head’s missing penis? 

Colbert then went on to praise “Biden’s next legislative push is his $2 trillion American jobs plan, which he called ‘The most significant federal jobs investment since World War II.'”

Policies such as this have led to constant FDR and LBJ comparisons and declarations that the era of Reagan is finally over. But sure, conservatives only care about Mr. Potato Head’s genitals or lack thereof.

This segment was sponsored by Allstate. Their contact information is linked.

Here is a transcript for the April 30 show:

CBS’s The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
April 30, 2021
11:40 p.m. Eastern

STEPHEN COLBERT: The Biden administration didn’t get any Washington Republicans on board with their plan, but they did point to enthusiasm from red state governors and mayors as proof of bipartisan support. Nevertheless, many Republicans – and some moderate Democrats – called on Biden to adopt a more traditional definition of bipartisanship. Yes, they want him to return to the word’s roots! ”Bi,” meaning “two,” and ”partisan,” meaning “If it’s okay with Susan Collins.” And why wouldn’t President Biden want to work more closely with Republicans? Well, it could have something to do with right-wing talk show hosts like Tucker Carlson who echoed “talking points painting Biden as a mentally-unfit ”puppet” who was being controlled by outside forces.” Tucker Carlson calling someone else a puppet is rich, when he looks like a ventriloquist’s doll who’s late for the regatta. Republicans have had a hard time going after President Biden. As John Cornyn recently complained, “It’s always harder to fight against a nice person.” Which is why it’s so easy to fight against John Cornyn. Of course, this moment in history wasn’t just a restart for the presidency, it was also a chance for leaders of the Republican Party to step up and fill the vacuum left by the previous guy with their bold new vision for the future and, Jimmy, let’s roll that footage. Do we have that footage? We don’t have footage? Because they didn’t do anything? They just got all weepy about Mr. Potato Head’s missing penis? Okay! Biden’s next legislative push is his $2 trillion American Jobs Plan, which he called “The most significant federal jobs investment since World War II.” Back then, the millions of our youth got jobs fighting against fascism, and everyone else was strategically deployed to street corners shouting, ”Ext-ree ext-ree! Rita Hayworth defeats General Tojo with her gorgeous gams!”

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