Crazy Colbert: Build a Wall Around Texas and Florida!

News & Politics

During his monologue Thursday night, leftist Late Night comedian Stephen Colbert took shots at Texas Governor Greg Abbott (R) over wanting to secure the state’s border with Mexico, since the Biden administration has failed so miserably to stop the illegal immigration crisis. 

Governor Abbott has been in the news as of late because on Wednesday he revealed how he had plans to fund the border wall along the Texas-Mexico border. Abbott said that the wall would be crowdfunded and that donations would go to a fund “overseen by the state of Texas in the governor’s office.”

He promised “great transparency,” saying “everyone will know every penny in, every penny out, but the sole purpose for those funds will be going to build the border wall.”

Colbert had a problem with this and since Trump is no longer in office, he decided to go after Republican governors of conservative states.

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“There was a big announcement from Texas governor and man breathing easier thanks to Allegra, Greg Abbott,” Colbert ranted.

He added: “Abbott says he’s going to solicit donations from the public to fund the construction of Texas’ border wall.”

After his audience booed, Colbert quickly went into the “joke” aspect of it.

“No, no, no, hear me out! It’s about time,” said Colbert, “Somebody’s gotta keep those Texans out of the U.S. Do Florida next!”

After his audience broke into applause, Colbert continued and then took a shot at Texas Senator Ted Cruz (R):

Okay, so, one state can do its own foreign policy? It reminds me of that famous headline after pearl harbor: Delaware declares Dela-War. But I understand why Texas is desperate. They have to find some way to stop their senators from fleeing to Cancun.

Something Colbert doesn’t seem to be aware of is that conservative states enact conservative policies, despite the perpetual outrage from him and other left-wing elites. 

Colbert’s attempts at humor were brought to viewers by Hyundai and Macy’s.

here is a transcript of the June 17th Show

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

06/17/21

11:46:15 p.m. Eastern

STEPHEN COLBERT: Staying in Texas, there was a big announcement from Texas governor and man breathing easier thanks to Allegra, Greg Abbott. Abbott says he’s going to solicit donations from the public to fund the construction of Texas’ border wall. (Booing) No, no, no, hear me out! It’s about time. Somebody’s gotta keep those Texans out of the U.S. (Cheers and applause) Do Florida next! What? Oh, no! So bad. (Applause) I’m being told it’s actually for a U.S.-Mexico border wall. Okay, so, one state can do its own foreign policy? It reminds me of that famous headline after pearl harbor: Delaware declares Dela-War (laughter) But I understand why Texas is desperate. They have to find some way to stop their senators from fleeing to Cancun. (Laughter) (Cheers and applause) It’s like we’re catching up on a lot of punch lines.
To prime the donation pump, yesterday Abbott announced the state was kicking in $250 million. What a wise use of taxpayer money. You wouldn’t want to waste it on something stupid, like shoring up their cotton candy power grid. (Laughter) Abbott was clear on wanting money and wanting a wall, but the other details were pretty fuzzy. As one reporter put it, he says Texans can donate their private land and money to the project. But he can’t say what the project will look like, how many miles will be built or where it will be built.
So it’s less of a border policy and more of an improv show. (Applause) Okay! I need the suggestion of a place to build a border wall, how long it should be, and a minority to villainize. Okay, I heard surface of the moon, 100,000 miles, and space Hondurans. Based on those suggestions, we take you to this proctologist’s office. (Cheers and applause) Hello, doctor! It’s a snake! Speaking of foreign countries, Europe. (Laughter) This summer, Europe is in the midst of the European soccer tournament. An event that happens only, I’m going to say, every single day? (Laughter) Always talking about it. The event is called Euro 2020. 

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